Air Post-Colonial Travel Guide.
Hello and welcome aboard Air Post-Colonial! We hope you enjoy your personal copy of our Travel Guide, designed to keep conscientious consumers just like you as happy, comfortable, and carefree as possible as you journey to one of our African destinations.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
WHERE TO SHOP: DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF THE CONGO
They’re massacring, burning, slashing, and destroying prices on goods and services in Congo, where special sale offers can be found across the board. For you nervous nellies, you can commission a Congolese soldier escort for $9.99 a day (an additional $5 charge applies if the soldier has reached puberty). Prices are so low that things are on the verge of chaos. No, seriously
Special: WOMEN'S FASHION
Jewelry
Makeup
Genital Mutilation
Hair Tips
SPECIAL FEATURE - Pucci Designer Full-Body Veils: This season, don't be caught without one. Or else
WHERE TO EAT: COULIBRI RESTAURANT
In Niger, the friendly locals are dying to see you. At Coulibri, enjoy the finest three-course meals while watching the local children play their favorite games, like Milk and Flour Chase and Collect the Flies
WHERE TO STAY: THE PLAZA IDI AMIN
Formerly the Nile Mansions Hotel, the deals at this hotel in Kampala, Uganda's capital, are killer
INTERVIEW: Leonard Nimoy
“I guess when I went to Sierra Leone for that book-signing, I should’ve remembered that the life expectancy is only forty years before I wrote ‘Live long and prosper.’ No big deal, though- there was only a 29.6% chance they could read anyway!” Mr. Spock himself tells hilarious anecdotes from his travelogue-promotion tour
BUSINESS NEWS
HIV levels are at record highs in Botswana, along with malaria, bacterial diarrhea, hepatitis A, and typhoid fever. Real estate prices are cheaper than ever
TRAVEL TIPS
Useful Phrases - Local translations of everyday sayings like "Stop! I can pay you whatever you want!" and "No, please, don't shoot!"
SPECIAL FEATURE - A Letter from the Chairman of Air Post-Colonial: CEO Conrad Joseph-Griffith responds to the U.S. Surgeon General and Secretary of State's joint letter advising travelers to Africa (entitled "Don't Go to Africa")
Thanks for flying Air Post-Colonial! Don't forget to enjoy your complimentary Tutsi Roll Pops- they're genocidally delicious!
Air Post-Colonial. Bringing you successful vacations in failed states for less.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
WHERE TO SHOP: DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF THE CONGO
They’re massacring, burning, slashing, and destroying prices on goods and services in Congo, where special sale offers can be found across the board. For you nervous nellies, you can commission a Congolese soldier escort for $9.99 a day (an additional $5 charge applies if the soldier has reached puberty). Prices are so low that things are on the verge of chaos. No, seriously
Special: WOMEN'S FASHION
Jewelry
Makeup
Genital Mutilation
Hair Tips
SPECIAL FEATURE - Pucci Designer Full-Body Veils: This season, don't be caught without one. Or else
WHERE TO EAT: COULIBRI RESTAURANT
In Niger, the friendly locals are dying to see you. At Coulibri, enjoy the finest three-course meals while watching the local children play their favorite games, like Milk and Flour Chase and Collect the Flies
WHERE TO STAY: THE PLAZA IDI AMIN
Formerly the Nile Mansions Hotel, the deals at this hotel in Kampala, Uganda's capital, are killer
INTERVIEW: Leonard Nimoy
“I guess when I went to Sierra Leone for that book-signing, I should’ve remembered that the life expectancy is only forty years before I wrote ‘Live long and prosper.’ No big deal, though- there was only a 29.6% chance they could read anyway!” Mr. Spock himself tells hilarious anecdotes from his travelogue-promotion tour
BUSINESS NEWS
HIV levels are at record highs in Botswana, along with malaria, bacterial diarrhea, hepatitis A, and typhoid fever. Real estate prices are cheaper than ever
TRAVEL TIPS
Useful Phrases - Local translations of everyday sayings like "Stop! I can pay you whatever you want!" and "No, please, don't shoot!"
SPECIAL FEATURE - A Letter from the Chairman of Air Post-Colonial: CEO Conrad Joseph-Griffith responds to the U.S. Surgeon General and Secretary of State's joint letter advising travelers to Africa (entitled "Don't Go to Africa")
Thanks for flying Air Post-Colonial! Don't forget to enjoy your complimentary Tutsi Roll Pops- they're genocidally delicious!
Air Post-Colonial. Bringing you successful vacations in failed states for less.
posted by Jason at 5:23 pm
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